All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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