You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
