Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
