Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
