I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
