Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
