cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There's always time for handjobs
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
