So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
