He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
