the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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