Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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