I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
