I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
