Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
