I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
