1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
