..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
pop tarts are not kleenex
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
