ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
