Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
