he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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