I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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