sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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