Im at strip club and am horny
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
