I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
