couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
