Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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