Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
