i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
