I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
