The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
