hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
