Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Let's get the cat blown out
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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