they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
