Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
