Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
