I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
