i'm signing you up for texting rehab
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
