so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
