You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
