i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
