Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
