those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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