happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
