Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
