haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Vodka?
Forever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The power of my boobs compel you
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
