my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
