I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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