I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
