just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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