There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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