You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it glows. i had to have it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
