How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
