I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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