apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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