I don't usually arrange sex via text message
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
