I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
