What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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