Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I want a musical about memes.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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