There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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