Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
