Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
