We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
