well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
