I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
